It is no secret… 2009 totally stank for us.  I am glad it is over and as long as 2010 is not a repeat of 2009, then I have a BIG WARM WELCOME for 2010!

I don’t believe in “resolutions”, but I do believe that the new year is a breath of fresh air that really makes me think about how to better myself as a person and a mother.  I look at the new year as my time to really think about personal goals for myself and my family.  I don’t call them resolutions, because no one ever keeps resolutions, but just some things that I keep in mind as I continue in this crazy life!

I do have the normal goals of being healthier, etc. but here is my top goal that is more worth mentioning.

So here goes…

I have been in a rut.  A big one.  You may call it “survivor mode”, or at least that is what I call it.  I am sleep deprived, bitchy and just barely making it through the day – lets not fool ourselves, having two children with Autism/Special Needs is very stressful and very tiring.  I hated this feeling and the first thing I wanted to do in the New Year was change my attitude and change my outlook on life.  My first goal was to enjoy the moment and not sweat the small stuff.  Easier said then done, especially for me.  So, one full week down and here is how it went..

I turned off the TV.

Some might wonder what this has to do with anything and I can tell you that this has everything to do with it.  In the morning I would wake up because Alex would be awake, then stumble downstairs still drowsy from sleep, plop the kids on the couch and turn on the TV.  Then I left.  I would go back upstairs and lay down for another 5 minutes until I completely woke up, put my contacts in, and lolly upstairs while the kids were looking for me or glued to the TV.  The mornings would be full of me sitting on the computer while they were in front of the TV.  I would feed them in front of the TV, pull out their toys in front of the TV.  The only time TV would be off would be when a therapist would come over.  Then as soon as the therapist left, I turned the TV back on.  If the kids were awake, TV was on.  The kids would even go to bed in front of the TV.  It was always on and I became disconnected with my children.  So, I disconnected the electronics – AND it was AMAZING.

We played.  I mean really played all day, there was no tantrums (well maybe a few when little ones would get tired, but nothing like before), there were no fights, no hitting, no biting.  Our days were filled with meaningful play and the kids were beaming.  We built cities with blocks, roads for toy cars in the dirt in the yard, ran and ran and ran at the park, built a zoo’s worth of animals from playdough, and had lots of visits from the tickle monster!  It was a great week and has given me the instant gratification I needed to keep it going.  So, as we continue in this “no to little TV world” I am rediscovering my children and the reasons why I became a Stay At Home Mom.

Emily and Alex have a team, an entourage, if you will.  If they were celebrity babies, they would have nannies, stylists, publicists, a chef, a chauffeur and more.  Not my kids.  Instead, Alex’s team consists of a speech therapist, a development specialist, a naturopathic pediatrician, and a conventional pediatrician.  Emily’s is a bit larger and consists of a speech therapist, a feeding therapist, an occupational therapist, a habilitation (ABA) therapist, a BCBA (behavior), a naturopathic pediatrician, a conventional pediatrican, a gastrointerologist and we are looking at adding another ABA therapist and a music therapist.

So, the thought of adding another doctor/therapist/specialist to the list seems daunting and yet another appointment to remember, but we are thrilled to add a biomedical doctor to our list.  Also, known as a DAN! doctor (Defeat Autism Now!).   We had our first appointment with our doctor and was left with feeling hopeful that he can help our daughter and eventually our son.

Emily has GI issues, the problem is, is that we don’t know what the issues are.  All we know is that she goes days without eating, randomly vomits, goes from constipation to diarrhea all in the same day and cries in the middle of the night clutching her stomach.  She is in pain, there is no question.  We took her to doctors, GI specialists in the best children’s hospital in the state, only minor acid reflux was found and medication was prescribed.  The GI specialist said that the medication might and might not work.  We tried the medication and not only did it not help, it made things worse.  About a half hour after I gave it to her, she fell to the floor clutching her stomach and started screaming.  She was sobbing and I didn’t know how to make the pain stop.  I talked to the doctor and she said that it was very unlikely it was from the medication.  The medication is completely safe and Emily should not be reacting that way and that I needed to keep giving it to her.  I tried it again and Emily, once again, fell to the floor, screaming in pain.  I called the doctor and she said that we could try another medication, but her condition is an “Autism thing”.  We fired her.

We went on the gluten-free/casien-free diet and it helped a lot, but Emily was still refusing to eat.  The most stressful part of all of this is her going on hunger strikes.  Her strikes last up to 6 days with no food, only liquids, I should say only goat milk.  We noticed that she continued to loose weight and were very scared for our daughter.  After the last hunger strike, we decided to start looking into the biomedical treatments.

We had our first appointments and the best thing that we heard was that our daughter’s hunger strikes were not “an autism thing” and that there was so much more medically going on.  So, we are having tests performed and waiting for results.  I really hope that something can be found and can be done.

So, WELCOME Doctor.  Please help my babies.

XO – Camille

Mothering Autism

When our oldest, Emily, was just shy of 3, we learned that she had Autism. It was such a stressful time in our little family’s life. Our baby, Alex was almost a year old and was crying all of the time for unknown reasons to us then and my husband’s job was rocky and unpredictable, therefore, so was our income. I just remember feeling like our world was falling apart. For days after the diagnosis, I mourned. I cried randomly, usually during one of Emily’s many meltdowns of the day.

I had many afternoons on the floor holding Alex, laying next to Emily and all three of us sobbing in unison. They were crying because they couldn’t communicate and were in pain and I was crying because I thought I lost my daughter. Days later, I saw a glimpse of her, I saw a fighter. I saw who she really was, peaking through that Autism armor she was wearing. She wasn’t giving up and neither could I. Instead of “Why me? Why Emily? Why us?” my thoughts quickly became, “Autism? BRING IT.”

Previously, doctors all pointed their fingers at me. I wasn’t letting her grow up; I coddled her and treated her like a baby. She was 2 and shouldn’t be sleeping in bed with us. I was criticized for not sticking her in a crib and letting her cry herself to sleep. I was criticized for holding her all the time and even for not yet putting her in a preschool program. It was my fault; I was causing her to act this way. I gave her the behavior issues and caused her to not talk because I refused to withhold things until she “used her words”.

I put her in a bubble, admittedly. I didn’t want anyone to talk to her, for fear that they would notice that she wasn’t babbling and start asking what was wrong with her, or give me the pity comments like “She will talk when she talks”, or, “my Uncle’s, son’s friend didn’t talk until he was 4!” I didn’t take her to story time or the playground, for fear of starting a meltdown. I kept her purposefully away from people, especially children, since she seemed to be scared of them. For that, the doctors pounced on me and ripped me to shreds. I created it.

Once we knew what we were dealing with, we jumped at any chance to talk to others who were experts in Autism or had a child with Autism. If I thought my parenting style was under attack BEFORE the diagnosis, I found that it was nothing compared to after receiving the diagnosis. I was told that her best bet would be to put her in full time school, to schedule every minute of every day, to put her in her own bed, to make her sit and eat at the table, to ignore her if she cries; the list went on.

The most devastating thing that I was told was that I needed to be away from her during the day. I needed to let go and that my attachment style of parenting was only making things worse, as if my mothering was creating this monster inside my beautiful daughter. I refused to believe it. There had to be a way to mother her the way that we both loved and still help her achieve a higher functional level.

I wasn’t terrified of Autism until I started hearing what therapy was going to entail. ABA behavior therapy has been proven to teach our special kids how to cope in every day life, to give them life skills so that they can be functioning adults and contributing members of society. It will give them their independence and give us as their parents, peace of mind, knowing that they will be ok after we pass. It is essential in order to give them a life.

The therapy was described to me as being rigid, unforgiving and harsh. The sessions would be full of flash cards and tantrums so I better be prepared for that. I was afraid but willing to try it and put my daughter in the hands of the experts hoping that it would help her learn to function in our world and not just stay in hers.

After a very traumatic therapy session, I broke. The ABA therapists, who were strangers to her, locked Emily in a therapy room for an hour and a half, taking away toys without warning and making her do flash cards. They did what they intended; they caused a tantrum, the worst I had ever seen. She was screaming, falling to the floor, throwing toys and at one point, even picked up the kid table and chairs and threw them across the room. She was crying out for me, her “ma!” and when I didn’t come rescue her, she started calling out for her baby brother.  

She was in the therapy room and they put me in the next room behind a two-way mirror with full audio. I was able to see and hear everything that was happening and against my instincts, I let it go on longer then it should have. They wouldn’t let her out or me in as one therapist was in front of the door blocking Emily and the other therapist blocking me on the other side. They kept telling me that it was important to “see her tantrum all the way through” and that she needs to learn that she will not get what she wants if she cries. They treated her like a wild, caged animal, broken and beaten down and I let it happen.

It caused a regression in her that lasted for months. She started slurring her words, spitting and hitting again and she started randomly shivering and crying. She was lining up her toys again; her arm flapping and spinning were present constantly. She was having nightmares and refusing to eat; it was devastating. She was a mess and so was I. The amount of guilt I felt was unbearable. I let her down and thought that she had stopped trusting me.

I finally said enough and took control of her therapy and her progress. I refused to leave her in a room with a therapist and gave strict instructions on how they were to treat her. After months of trying to find a new ABA therapist, we found one and felt it was a great fit. I was upfront about the way that we do things and she embraced it and has since showed me quite a few things along the way. She teaches me just as much as she teaches Emily and has become an essential part of our lives. She tells me that we do a Hippie style of ABA. I like that.

Alex is now almost two and after the first round of assessments has been determined to have Developmental Delays. His appointments to test for Autism are in January. I don’t need tests to know that he is Autistic, once you live with Autism every day, you just know. The diagnosis will help me get the other services that will help him. The best part about this time around is that I know what to expect, I know what to do and what not to do. I know how to mother him without a doubt in my mind of what is going to be best for him.

Autism? BRING IT.

*Note – I have since learned that the traumatic ABA therapy session was not typical. Our experience was not what ABA is about. If you have a child with Autism, please do not discount this therapy based on our experience. ABA is not for everyone, but know that it can be tweaked to fit your family’s needs. The therapist makes all the difference.

This blog was mostly going to be for reviews of natural products, but my desires to educate the world about safe, non-toxic products has been curtailed by my other passions.  My children and Attachment Parenting.  Instead of having a blog on Attachment Parenting and a blog on being a mother of two children with Autism, I am going to make Attached Generation my main blog that will entail everything!

So please, come back often for product reviews, parental triumphs and follies, recipes, essays on recovering autism, and tidbits on life!  I am so excited about this change.  It is going to be great!

XO – Camille

I was introduced to Maggie’s Pure Land Soap Nuts a little over a year ago.  I was starting up my AP friendly business and one of the moms in my mom group recommended them to sell locally.  They weren’t available locally and after talking to her a little more, I decided to give Maggie’s a call.  I ordered a bunch of product and started selling what I could.  I ran into a slight problem though, I was being asked questions that I didn’t know the answers to BECAUSE I NEVER TRIED THEM!  Duh.

I started using them on the kids’ clothes, followed by the cloth diapers and eventually using them solely for our laundering needs.  I honestly wasn’t in love like I thought I would.  The kids’ clothes never smelled clean or looked clean.  I would wash things two or three times and some things never were white again.  Our clothing started to look dingy all of the time, so I asked around a bit to a few of the moms that I know use them and LOVE them.  I found that some hung their clothes out to dry on the line, so the sun bleached out stains and got rid of the “smellies”.  Another mom said that she used OxyClean with the soap nuts to help brighten whites.  Another one said to use vinegar as a softener… add this, do that, wait – did you try this?  I was getting overloaded.  I ended up using more of the dried soap berries with each load and washing less clothes in each load and things weren’t improving much.  At first I thought I was being particular because I was a TIDE user and TIDE had a smell.  I was expecting NO smell, but instead the clothes were coming out smelling like something close to vomit.  Really, especially with the kids’ clothes.  And, they didn’t do jack for the cloth diapers.

Then Maggie’s came out with a liquid version, which was filled with lavender, citric acid, lemongrass and Tea Tree Oil… all organic essential oils which were divine to the senses.  I gave it a go thinking, maybe in liquid form the soap could get to more of the clothing.  The first batch of clothes came out ok.  For the second load, I put in my sack of nuts ( ), more of the liquid laundry detergent and vinegar for the rinse cycle.  Much better with the smell, BUT the clothes were still looking a bit dingy, socks were still grayish brown, and my daughters super cute white top was looking more light gray then white.  So, for load #3, I put in the sack, the liquid, the vinegar and then added OxyClean and the load came out really well.  I liked it, wasn’t in love, but willing to go on a second date.

I consistently used this array of soaps and cleaners for months.  I clean about 14 loads of laundry a week and I started to realize that my supply was dwindling, so I started adding it all up.  I was going through a $35 dollar gallon of liquid every week!  Not to mention the OxyClean, regular soap nuts and the vinegar.  It was getting to be too much and way to expensive.  So, I quit using the liquid laundry (which really is nice, if you can afford it!) and started boiling the regular nuts to make my own liquid and it worked out ok for a while.  I started going through a $35 kilo bag a month, which was better then a week, but still, it was pretty expensive.  So, I stopped using it for laundry and started making my own laundry detergent, which still needs to be perfected, but it works.  Or I go and get Costco’s eco-friendly detergent (which is not good for diapers, learned that one the hard way!).

I said that I stopped using it for laundry, but I haven’t stopped using soap nuts all together.  I still boil them and use the beautiful brown juice as an ingredient in my all-purpose cleaner.  It rocks my socks!  I love Soap Nuts for cleaning and I use it every day!  So, my overall feeling is – I hate it for laundry, but LOVE it for cleaning!  I have also used it in the kids’ bath water (when I am out of Dr. Bronner’s Pure Castille Soap).  I have used it to wash my hands and even my hair!  I love the squeeky clean that I get.  I really don’t get much of a lather, which is why I prefer Dr. Bronner’s, but it does the job when I am in a bind.

I am a Soap Nuts lover overall… just don’t touch my threads.

In the bathroom: We use it as hand soap, shampoo, body wash and for the kids as bubble bath.  This sudsy soap, is perfect for bath time fun.  We have some pumps for hand soap and use 1 part soap to 3 parts distilled water and replaced all of the antibacterial soap that we had in the house.  Another friend of mine just started using it and she went and bought some of those foam pumps which work great for hand soap.  The liquid alone is watery, so we have some foam pumps on order to switch to foam.  Shampoo - I love it for my shampoo and use it on the kids too.  Just be warned – even though it is the mild “baby” soap, it is NOT TEAR FREE!  So be careful with your little ones.  My hair feels clean, really clean, and I love it.  I pair it up with a good organic conditioner and I am good to go!  Body wash - A little bit goes a long way, my skin feels clean and moisturized.  The best part?  The kids’ ezcema is completely gone!  No more heavy body creams, no more scratchy, red patches.  It is heaven.  Our skin feels amazing and I don’t feel like I need to constantly put lotion on us in the dry heat of Phoenix.  Also, if you are having a lazy shower (yeah right, I know!), read the bottle.. it is quite interesting!

In the kitchen: I started making my own all-purpose cleaners and use this castille soap as one of my staples in my cleaning.  I add a tablespoon or two into my all-purpose cleaner.  I also use it for dishes I have to hand-wash.  It works great as a degreaser and I don’t miss Dawn at all!

In the Laundry: I use a few drops of Dr. Bronner’s in my washing machine when I need to strip the diapers.  Add some vinegar and my diapers come out smelling good!  Note:  For even more stripping power – go Solar!  The sun is a natural bleacher and will help get the smellies out!  So, instead of dryin’ – hang’em up on the line!

I also use the castille soap when I need to get out spots on my furniture (especially micro-suede).  It works great, but only use less then a drop!

We use the Unscented Mild Baby liquid version, which is pictured.  We are very sensitive to fragrance, so I haven’t tried any of the scented soaps yet.  It is all organic essential oils though, so I am sure it would be ok, but we are happy with the unscented and sticking to it for now.  My sister-in-law uses Peppermint and loves it.  My brother-in-law prefers the Eucalyptus scent.  They also have Almond, Rose, Citrus, Lavender and Tea Tree.  I love the scent of Tea Tree Oil, so I will have to look for that one the next time!  Dr. Bronner’s Magic Soap also comes in Bar form, which we haven’t tried yet, either, so there is a solution for those who prefer bar soap in the shower.

A bottle is $11.99 (here locally, prices may differ) and I go through a bottle once a month.  Not bad, eh?  Not for all of the uses we get out of it!  I love Dr. Bronner’s Magic Castille Soap and hope you will too!  www.drbronner.com

The good stuff!

I am a wrapper, so I was thrilled to see over an hour of instruction on just wraps!  The wrap expert went over everything – not just carries.  The expert went over different materials, how much fabric would be needed for certain carries, etc.  It was truly a complete guide and I really enjoyed watching it.  It felt like I had personal instruction in my home which was really nice.  I have to admit though that since I only have wraps (so far), that I haven’t looked at the other carries on the DVD in depth.  I will say though that from what I saw (and will see again once my other carriers are here), I know I will be able to pick up any other carrier and use it with ease.

Also – now the creater of the Tummy 2 Tummy DVD has recently reduced the retail price to $14.95 and she now is selling it on Amazon.  You will still be able to get it from your favorite baby carrier store as well.   www.tummy2tummy.com

Cloth Diapers,

The AI2 – All in two diaper is awesome.  #1  It is TRIM.  So much less bulk that it fits more like a disposable then a cloth diaper.  Some of the cloth diapers that I have used in the past made it almost impossible to wear under shorts that my son wore.  We would have to buy a size bigger to clothe the bulk.  This is not the case with Cuddlebug Cloth.  Another major difference then the other cloth diapers that I have tried so far was the identity itself – an all-in-two.  It isn’t an All-in-one, since it does have two pieces, it isn’t a pocket – no stuffin needed and it it isn’t a fitted because you don’t put a cover on it.  It is truely unique.  The soaker is a mega absorber made from organic hemp fleece.  It snaps in and tri-folds to fit inside the diaper.  Next is the closure – oh snap!  Yes, all snaps all the time, what a beautiful thing.  After using these diapers and using my other diapers which were all velcro closures, I quickly became very partial to snap closures.  No laundry tabs, no shredded diapers, no velco becoming unusable anymore.  Snaps are in, which is why most of the larger manufacturers are starting to offer snap closures and they seem to be the favorite amongst cloth diapering families.

The craftmanship is unbeatable and is comparable to even the biggest cloth diaper companies, I have yet to find a stitch out of place.  The material is high-quality, the snaps seem to be industrial strength and the stitching is sturdy.  The diaper is very well put together and you know as soon as you see them, it is a high quality diaper.  I bought a couple for my son about 9 months ago and I use them daily.  They still look just as good as the day I got them and have plenty of wear left in them.  The inside of the diaper is made of 100% polyester suedecloth and it seems to be stain-proof.  Over the last nine months, we have certainly had some messy diapers and I have yet to see a stain.  The fit is so nice that I haven’t seen a leak yet!

Ok, it isn’t all good though as no one product ever is.  The only thing that I am not thrilled with is the soaker.  It is hemp and after a few washes the soaker got very stiff and coarse and I could tell it wasn’t comfy for the baby.  I fixed it quickly though with just folding in a wipe which is made of bamboo velour and it solved that problem with no issues.  My little guy LOVES the softness of the bamboo velour and I love the absorbancy of the hemp soaker.  Best of both worlds, with no hassle.  It was such an easy thing for me to do that I didn’t even bother Prudence with it, although I am sure she would have offered some advice for making the hemp soaker softer.

The price is a little on the high side (if you compare to my other pocket diapers), but the quality of the materials and the snaps make it very comparable to anything else out there.  I can’t wait until my little guy gets into the next size so I can buy more!  I definitely give these diapers my top pick.

She also makes Minkees, fitted diapers and trainers for toddlers – try out her bamboo wipes – they are AWESOME!  www.cuddlebugcloth.com

UPDATE 6/12/09!!! I recently switched laundry soap and washed my diapers in them.  Low and behold, the hemp fleece soaker was softer!  Not as soft as it was when I bought it, but definitely a difference.  Yeah!  Cuddlebug Cloth now sells the soakers by themselves, so I think I will buy a few and replace the ones that I have and that should be all I need.  So – it wasn’t the diaper, it was the laundry soap.  Thanks for making such a great diaper, Prudence, no complaints anymore!

Here are the liners I can buy to replace.  I am excited.

When I was pregnant with my first, the thought of cloth diapering made me shutter.  My idea of cloth diapers were thick cloth held together by big diaper pins and crazy plastic pants that looked like a shower cap that you would get in a hotel, just worn upside down.  Emily was diapered in disposable diapers and I did not think twice about it.  In preparation for my second baby, I stocked up on Pampers as I had been using with my first.  Then I discovered a group of mamas who were associated with API – Attachment Parenting International and I was exposed to the wonderful world of cloth diapering.  Cloth diapers aren’t AP, specifically, but I find that a lot of AP moms are earth friendly moms too and love cloth diapering.

After two months of diapering my two kids in sposies (disposable diapers), I ventured into the world of cloth diapering and haven’t looked back.